Wednesday, 2 January 2013

The new years goals and whatever...

This is probably a bad idea I know – me, and goals...and time frames...and stuff don't tend to work. I'm the biggest procrastinator, worse self-motiviator and just general 'off-putter of stuff I really ought to be doing'.

This blog has come to be included in the list of things I really ought to be doing, and I want to give myself another stab at achieving something with it. I still have no ultimate goal or purpose for it, but I've come to realise that’s OK. I think the best I can do is just mind dump, and see where that takes me.
So that leads me to...well...we'll call them aspirations...

Aspiration No.1 – Blog more.

I'm not putting strong holds on this one, lets just say once a week would be nice. Once a day would be magical, and I'm going to allow myself to post one paragraph, one photo – or heck even one sentence posts, if that’s what’s on my mind. I figure quantity over quality might work in the long run and eventually help me find my blogging mojo.

I'm going to attend a Plus Size clothes swap a week on Saturday, which I'm both mega excited for, and mega nervous. Its run by some gals from a Facebook group I joined a while back and will attended by some of my favourite plus bloggers. So whilst I'm mega excited to meet everyone I'm nervous as its been a while since I've been in a totally new situation with totally new people.

Which is aspiration No.2 – Do things that are scary/say yes more often. 

Overall I think pushing comfort zones and barriers with myself will lead me to unexpected places - which can only be a good thing right?

I really looking forward to going, because honestly the further along my body appreciation path I get, the harder it is to connect with others on topics revolving around it. No one truly gets it, or why I'm doing it, or why its such a wonderful thing for me, and could be for them too. I'm surrounded by fat people who want to diet, and people who are still chasing perfect, or want to be thinner or still believe thinnest is superior and being body critical is the norm and are as shitty about their own bodies as they are about other peoples. I can't change their opinion on these matters, but I can chose to not engage. Also, apart from meeting like minded, confident, beautiful people, I'm also going for the lovely clothes and nic naks to swap!

Once I said yes I then offered to drive some other lovely rad fat chicks to the event, so I am now fully committed. So I guess that is...

Aspiration No.3 – Commit to stuff, namely the important stuff.

This one is hard for me, as I mentioned in the first paragraph. Its not my style. I bore quickly, I get super duper excited then my brain wonders to the next wonderful exciting thing. But this year I'd like to really think about what I want to put my energy into and run with it. 

Skating and playing derby is at the moment still very high on my list. Its my only source of good exercise endorphins that I don't get bored of, so I don't want to lose that, but what I have come to accept is that I am not prepared to bust my ass and beat myself up over not being the best any more. And chances are with my natural disposition and complete lack of any kind of sporting background, it wouldn't happen anyway. That's not to say I'm going to give up trying, I just have to stop comparing myself. I have also realised lately that there is a lot of joy to be had at the remaining grass rootsy levels of the sport- the women who play because its goddamn amazing fun, and don't care that their team isn't the top of a league table. They play for the love. Coaching has also helped me with this too. I like sharing my knowledge, and although I may not be the best in my eyes, I'm still a super hero to those who have only just laced up their skates. I can do a t-stop, they can't. I AM GOD! ...ah such power...anway...

The other things I really need to commit to are finding a career path for myself and helping hubby with his, and possibly finding a way that the two can intersect. He has just started training to be a chef – a little late in life some would say, but I say utterly brave and awesome! He has a massive amount of talent. In fact between us we have a whole host of creative talents and interests that I'm really proud of. Hubby is a great cook, but he also loves podcasting (we ran our own for 6 months), he has a wonderful singing voice, can play guitar and write, he loves video making...Me? I'm trained in graphic design and have 10 years experience. I dabble in marketing, I'm head of PR for the team, I love crafting, I can also sing, and I'm finding this whole new passion for fat politics and spreading the anti-dieting message, I'm OK at writing, sorta, a bit....

Somewhere...Somewhere amongst all that is a business or a passion we can both share! I think we should be the singing, cooking, craft making, travelling duo...or something to that effect.

I literally have no idea what I want to do this year, but I know two things. 1) I need to keep paying the mortgage, and 2) I need get out of my job rut and do something I love. 

So really I need to commit to the things that make me happy, work hard on them, and trust that somewhere the inspiration for living how we want to live will come along. 

Its not often I will ever make affirmations like this, I guess its kind of risky writing it down...and I'm definitely a more “go with the flow” kind of person. I'm pretty trusting that my path will carve itself, but I just think this year I need to maybe give it a helping hand? 

I have a different feeling about 2013, maybe its my new perspective on everything? And for that, I owe the Fat Acceptance, Plus Bloggers and HAES communities a lot, and of course everyone's muse of late, the beautiful Tess Munster who's images kicked started a chain reaction.

Who knows what the year will bring?

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